Christmas is nearly upon us again and I am anticipating the season as much as anyone! However, there were a couple of housekeeping items that needed to be dealt with this year, in regards to the big guy in the red suit. Erika figured out how the whole charade worked by the time she was in third grade. She started putting two and two together, asked us a few questions and bam! she knew! There was no sense of betrayal, no sense of loss - just an acceptance of the truth and on she went. So when Hailey got to third grade we watched for a new sense of understanding. Nothing. When Hailey got to fourth grade we watched again. Nothing. This child truly lives in a fantasy world inside her own mind - I would love to visit - I'm sure it's magical and beautiful! So now she's in fifth grade and we've been watching again for some sign that she has a CLUE that the big red guy is a bunch of smoke and mirrors - NOTHING! At some point, some dumb, smelly boy on the playground is going to shock her with the devastating news and Eric and I started thinking that maybe it would be in her best interest if we lovingly broke the news to her ourselves. She's going into middle school next year, for crying out loud, she's got to be told SOMETIME!
Fast forward to Saturday night. Eric and I had just had a long conversation a couple of days previously about how we should approach this issue - we were hopeful that it would present itself on it's own and we could just follow the natural course...be careful what you ask for! Within the space of 10 minutes (while we were watching a movie with the girls) both Hailey and Kelcie lost a tooth. Hailey's just fell out of her head - Kelcie, in an effort not to be outdone, begged Eric to pull out her loose one, whether it was ready or not, so he complied and out it came. Two girls with bloodied mouths - good times! After the movie was over, we sent them upstairs to brush their teeth and get ready for bed. A few minutes later, Kelcie is leaning over the banister, yelling, "Mom! Is the tooth fairy real?" Eric and I just looked at each other. This was the opportunity we had been waiting for - and yet I was fully prepared to ignore it because what mother wants to break her child's heart and ruin the world of fantasy for her? Not me! But Eric gave me The Look - the one that said that we were pursuing this no matter what...ugh!! So we called the girls downstairs for The Talk (I personally think the Birds & the Bees talk is easier than this one). Erika snuggled up in the corner of the couch with a smug grin on her face, like she was in for the show of a lifetime - we reminded her to keep her comments to herself!
Without going into all the details, let me share just a few. We started with the Tooth Fairy question and asked them what they thought. They considered it and here's what Hailey said: "I think it's more plausible that it's you guys but I want the tooth fairy to be real." Ok, if you're old enough to know how to use the word plausible, then you're old enough to hear the truth about Santa! So we took the conversation from there - they were ok with the tooth fairy not being real. Hailey's eyes got a little red but she was alright. Then we asked them to consider what else might not be real, if the tooth fairy wasn't real. They went through Easter Bunny, leprechauns, and...and...no...no...it...can't...be...true...no...no...Santa???? Then there was nothing but tears and sobs and sniffles - I'm so totally not kidding!! They were DEVASTATED!! And Eric and I were nothing but the perpetrators of a LIE that brought them GRIEF and HEARTACHE!! Come on! How could they not have a clue? (I do have a theory on this but more on that in a minute!) Needless to say, it was a very difficult realization for them to come to - and I'm still questioning whether or not it was the right thing to do. We talked to them at great length about what Christmas can still be for them, what it really means, the joy of sharing the Christmas Spirit, helping their little cousins enjoy the myth of Santa (help? or hindrance?), and all the wonderful traditions that we enjoy that have nothing to do with Santa. The Talk turned out well, and the girls were also given strict instructions to not share their new-found knowledge with other kids their age who still believe because that is a secret for only parents to share with their children.
So to wrap this up, here's my theory. In this day and age that my children have been brought up in, they have been exposed to fantasy and make-believe constantly; since they were old enough to sit in front of the TV and watch Snow White and Cinderella. They have seen countless movies that revel in the the make-believe - don't you think that our children's exposure to limitless amounts of fantasy, has blurred the line for them? How do they really know what's real and what's not real when they see things in 3-D, movies that are almost life-like, and fairy tales galore?! I don't blame the media - I blame myself for not realizing that their perceptions were so skewed that it would be very difficult for them to come to a realization about Santa on their own. I feel badly that such a sweet fantasy, such as Santa, has come to such a painful ending for Hailey and Kelcie but I'm glad it was their parents who got to break it to them and not that stinky, smelly boy on the playground!
6 comments:
On a related note, Dad & I were just commenting that it was easier to raise kids when we did it--no constant TV & movies, especially with the commercial tie-in. No Happy Meal toys at McDonalds, hardly any McDonalds at all! We probably didn't appreciate the simplicity for what it was then, but looking back we can really see it. It's amazing that our kids do the great job that they do with our grandkids!
Tell the girls that Kayla is in on the 'secret'. We had the talk this past summer. She asked out of the blue, "Is Santa real?" All I said was, "Well, what do you think?" She thankfully, came up with the answer on her own. Now every single time the word 'Santa' is mentioned she gives me the look that says, "I know too..." She is so very excited to help play the Jolly ol' Elf to the younger ones this year on Christmas Eve.
I love that our children trust us enough to believe. I hate that we lie to them. Why do we do that?!?
Sadly my mother was never raised celebrating Christmas.... no money at all. My Grandmother didn't have time to be a mom. Anyhow my mother vowed that I would have a REAL christmas no matter what. She was able to do it. I was threatened that if I ever even THOUGHT that santa wasn't real then I wouldn't get any presents. I knew the truth. She knew I knew the truth. But it was her thing. Looking back now I truly enjoyed it because she enjoyed it so much. I don't think I will be so harsh as she was but I am NOT looking forward to breaking the news. You're stronger than me!
This just about brought tears to my eyes.
Okay, we have had to do the same thing to both of our two oldest kids--broke my heart each time! I appreciate your story; every bit of it rings true. We had to draw the line when we had to talk about the birds and the bees and hadn't adressed "Santa" yet. It just seemed wrong. Thanks for sharing!
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